June 17, 2006

hot child in the city

dear ingmar,

i am not one of those people who are naturally good with children. i don't find most cute or "precious", i find them rather annoying and inconveniently loud. most unbearable, however, are those who've never been taught any manners and insist on behaving in the worst ways in the most inappropriate of places. yes, obese woman wearing the salmon capris and revolting sleeveless white top dotted with a ridiculous assortment of garden variety flowers at the downtown seaside restaurant with your own little four year old damien no doubtly personally gift-wrapped and expressed mailed from the devil himself, i am talking about you!

anyway, the reason i bring this up is because i have the ill-fated pleasure of living near a family with FOUR children, all under 10. during the winter, they rarely come outside to pollute the atmosphere with their shrilling sadistic cries of incomprehensible woe but now that summer is in full swing, they have reemerged like pesky rodents out to wreak further havoc on the farmer's crops already suffering from heat stroke.

what exactly am i complaining about, you wonder? well, these neighbors of mine, they have erected a monsterous inflatable water slide, standing at least 15ft tall and providing what seems to be a mecca for all the children in this god-forsaken town. so as temperatures boil up into the 90s this weekend, and i am a puddle of mercurial nerves in a frenzy to complete a project, i am forced to coexist amongst this circus of no less than a dozen kids at any given time of day, trying desperately to shut out their screaming fits of joy as they continously splash and slide up their way from the gates of hell. frankly i think entering a strong-man's contest would be easier than dealing with these pint-sized beasts.

sorry to sound like a total bitch,

-- j


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