June 15, 2006

the dirty clothes cometh

dear ingmar,

you may not be familiar with the modern details concerning laundry as that you are now approaching 90 and have earned the right to relegate this pesky task to your offspring or to the overweight yet cheerful housekeeper i imagine you to keep, however i, on the other hand, must deal with this most tedious chore on a weekly basis. because i am the kind of person who likes to give away knowledge generously, i felt that perhaps you'd like to know a bit more about the laundry process, in particular the many respective circumstances that lead up to the actual washing itself. you will see, after reading below, that the fate of a piece of clothing is vastly dependent on the specific situation in which it finds itself, a detail that is all too often ignored. here are the most common situations:

entirely inside the hamper = definitely washing a go-go

drapped at the corner of the bedpost = too lazy to hang up in closet, still wearable

sprawn out on the floor = flung off in haste for various reasons, wearable if does not smell the next day

hung on the hooks = jackets or robes worn on a daily basis and washed only when necessary

hung on lamp = drying, do not remove unless emmitting a burnt aroma

hung in bathroom = steaming to smooth out wrinkles

sprawn on bathroom floor = cast off before the shower and will not get picked up and deposited in hamper until the floors are dry because there’s nothing grosser than getting your feet wet after you’ve dried off and donned fresh clothes

folded over the side of the hamper = indeterminate laundry status

stuffed among the crevices of the bed = forgotten

with the smell of snuggles originals,
-- j


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